Aftermath

So i read in an online blog posted by unemployed teachers, "talking to my brother is like getting a job interview, he never asks about me or my family."
I read this, and i feel like have the ability to make other people feel the same way as this person. Sometimes i can be too self-righteous.
So i've been thinking about teaching, and i believe it can be hard to get into. Right now, my main subject i love is History. Unfortunately, History is only taught for two years at Highschools, and have a lower demand. High demand subjects are English and Math. I'm not passionate about Math, but i am considering it. I would like to study English, but I think I would struggle with landing a job.
Today, i had dinner at my aunt's house and had a sweet time. We had ravoli's and salad. good stuff. I should have helped with the dishes and stuff.
I helped tutor my cousin brett today, and noticed myself getting sterner with his inability to cooperate. My aunt immediately noticed this, but in my head i was thinking this, "If i treat him as an equal, he will become one."
I am not sure that is a true solution, but nonetheless he produced a good paper written all by himself. Although i am hard, frustrating, and diffilcult to work with, i produce equality, independence, and Pride. So in retrospect, today was an absolute success.
I waited outside for twenty minutes standing in the midnight air. And there while i stood, i had an imaginary conversation with myself. Let's see if i can remember what i said,
"I'm a poet, i've been a poet for sometime now.
You make me feel uneasy inside. I feel like I was in a vulnerable state. And i don't like that.
I want t o take love and carry that candle into the depths of my soul, and shine its light in places i never knew existed.
See love, is like a cold wind that comes from behind the mountains, flows from the tops of their snowy caps, down to the plains, and reaches the lovers kissing on the meadow; and blows the candle of their love out. And from without their candle the two lovers learn what they themselves are truly made of sitting in the darkness."
Some people can handle love, and others can't. I'm afraid i can't be your friend in ways that you need, I don't think i'm emotionally stable enough."

Poetic conversation. Love is in my head right now.

I wish to push and continue with school. My plans are to do some travelling when i'm finished with school. I'd like to go to south america, and learn spanish. I'd like to go and do some work in the Saharas. But for right now, i'll keep at the mercy house.

I had some flash backs today of that needy woman i met. See equality works like a double edged blade. I was having a hard time understanding the fact that i was equal to that woman, and that if life allowed, my circumstances could be no different than hers. All it would take for me to become a homeless druggy is the loss of my ..... nevermind....some things shouldn't be written.

My brother today weighs my words carefully. He is very simple, and he likes his ideas blunt, simple, and square. He assumed that because i'm a poly sci major that i'm "against" the wars in Iraq. When my true opinion is quite opposite, I said, "wow and plus eric's circumstance, i can totally understand. I think he is a true definition of a man."
He said, "it's funny you say that being a poly sci major." (meaning that because i'm a poly sci major i 'm "opposed" to the wars in the middle east, when actually i've written and debated support for Iraq reconstruction effort).
He's also tried to critique me saying, "it's funny you say, "oh I like eric" and then condemn erica".
I said, "there's differences that you don't see, small subtle things, and the first fact is that you're not dating Eric."
He is sharp against my views of alcoholism because i've said, "I've lost a close friend to a drunk driver in 2003, so i can never be mild toward alcohol abuse."
He thinks that because of my views, i'm contradictory toward a compassionate stance toward my Marine Friend comparing this stance toward his recovering girlfriend.
First, each person's circumstances can never be compared. each story has a different reason for leading toward the same effect: alcoholism. how to distinguish them?
I'm not judging other people's actions as good or bad. I think that it is judgement that defeats humanity. But as a freethinking individual, i have the right to oppose the actions of others, and i can directly control who i associate with. Right now, i find myself with no friends really.
My goal of 2009 is to make new friends. I've outgrown the old.