Met a man at the beach

i met a man at the beach listening to dennis prager talking about the prop 8 appeal. i talked about politics with him and how it is important to stay active in our faith and in our civil liberties. He told me that I needed to "keep on with what i'm doing because i have to, The lord won't allow otherwise." he also said to me, "you're different...that's a compliment". i talked to him about how American culture seems really roman to me , roman in its' extravagance... and how we think of ourselves... he called me different. I told him that i'm not materialistic, and he was superprized

He said i need to keep pushing on.. it was a great word of encourangement. I learned that the christian faith is led by living life. Not exactly what i expect from a "formal" church... but it is met by a personal relationship.. how he personal speaks to me... when i'm all alone... when i'm on my bike... when i'm walking...when i'm quiet... when i fight with my brothers...
when i pray... these are my responsibilities...

I must take on my own destiny!

I feel like i've been slipping in my pure walk.. today i had a vision where Angels were watching all of my private thoughts on television in front of other people. and i was embarassed.

I need to guard my heart and thoughts.

Also I forgot what i was going to write.

I 'm sort of writing a dark song on the piano...based on the psalms... i would like to put it together..


I've been reviewing math and stuff...

dreams

I had another dream that i was seeing Jason Stratham get beat up. Kinda weird because he is usually a tough guy, and i don't really like Jason.

I learned two johnny cash songs, and i guess i 'll try to sing em... but they're hard to learn..

I left my guitar at Brett's house, cuz i need to take a step back from things, i need to let them go, and not be so "hardcore" all the time. I am seeing similarities with biking and my drumming. I keep an exercise log of how i am progressing as a rider, times and stuff... i don't like doing that cuz it reminds me of drumming. I should just ride with nothing in mind. just ride. i don't like keeping logs, but the magazines encouraged that and stuff

Today at church i learned to let God have the big picture, there really is no plan, except the master's plan. be humble.

They talked alot about children's ministry, and i see clearly now. yes i do.

I don't want to really work with kids. is that the only avenue? pun intended. I don't want to be a camp counselor. is that the only way?? I would like to do something different. tutor? i'm down. maybe help kids with school. i'm okay with that. what else? I don't know. It just doesn't seem right that FAFC is really centered around kids ministry. I'm not a youth pastor man. I'm an engineer! i mean that stuff seems fun and i could do that . .. but i'm striving for a different goal, but i don't know what it is.
Engineer without borders? Mercy House? these are the things on my mind. why? is it so i can be better than everyone else... so i can say "look at me i'm doing something original and awesome?"
no. the social element i don't really care about. I need to find what it is i'm looking for,

I know this. The things i'm learning and putting my time to can help other people. Doesn't matter. I am studying science, science can help the physical element. Pastors can help the spiritual element. they can work together. But i'm here to help the physical element.

Is my destination far? Should i go to India? Africa? I don't really care. there's plenty of local things to do. That's why i'm interested in the Mercy House... i liked helping those people at the armory. i didn't mind.

I don't have to do it full time.... only a few times a month...

Fullerton Rock Harbor i still would attend

I felt that i should help pepole by becoming excellent at Math so i signed up to be a math tutor... this will be interesting...

That is all for now...