Survival

When presented with the choice to survive, or worry about dating, I easily discard dating. I need to make a career to earn money to provide for basic necessities. Our economy is dead, and our workers have become stumped. We are in trouble.

No deseo calado por que yo necisito terminar mi escuela.

life is much more simple than i imagine

People are much more simple than I possible imagine.

Sex is a person's identity, function, and social status. I saw a gay dood wearing lip gloss and behaving "like a gay". He tilted his head, and all kinds of other stuff.

I watched a girl who spoke loudly because in her mind she thought she was "hot", so she prounounced her words a certain way. "how excitin-gah" she would prounounce her "g's" hard. THen should would pronounce her "a's" with long dry tones. I hate loud women.

When dating we reserve the right to discriminate purely with selfish reason. How a person appears. we judge our desire for another human being based on their features and what we like. This is based solely on sex. the man looks at the woman and decides whether or not he wants to fuck her. and depending on this motive, and how strong this motive is, he speaks and begins to chit chat.
The second more powerful aspect a man judges a woman is their economic status. what is their status? Things that influence this decision is school, money, job, and career. MOst people are turned on or turned off by the other person's career. if a person is a "hair receptionist" , the person makes a judgement to that person. If the person is a scientific researcher another judgement is made. Each career places a different demand on the person. for instance a researcher may be a workaholic. a police officer may work long off hours, and may even be killed. this influences the woman. A nurse works long night shifts, and this impacts the decision. A barber has other demands.
And from this position a person thinks about them.

If a person has any medical conditions, they will be serverely limited in there pursuits for wanting to reproduce.

If a person makes great money, they will attract greater success with wanting to reproduce.

Common ettitiquette will only go so far as beginning a conversation, paying for a meal, smiling, and how attentive the other person is.

The facts are that each person holds a secretive motive for their own desire and make their preference on this desire. these desires range from security, lust, greed,committment, and career advancement. Even the grounds for selection based on the exact religion to me is selfish because you are narrowing your selection to a specific community or population that the individual chooses, and discriminates against the rest.

The pressing question, "If i date this person, how will I change?"

There are plenty of things that people do to disguise themselves when operating with the opposite sex.
Manners
Flirtations
Displaying social status

HOwever I am forming a theory that each person selfishly judges for survivalist reasons that has nothing to do with the fantasy of love.


Religion makes it easier to the middle classes to procreate, and also protects the beliefs of their own community. "us and them"

In conclusion, dating is nothing more than two primates interacting for sex, and power.

I thought myself to be an open minded person, until that is, i joined an online dating website. Here, I was ignoring woman that I thought weren't attractive. And I was doing it alot. I was with a group of my friends, and they were doing the same thing. An "attractive" woman emailed me, and they became extremely supportive. An overweight woman wanted to meet with me, and we began making cruel jokes. I realized that there is alot of dark truths hidden behind entering the dating game.

The dark truths are we all say that we are looking for a "nice guy" or someone with a good personality, but this is entirely false. What I believe we are really looking for is another person who is attractive enough, and successful enough to eventually live with. And we are extremely selfish in our selection that is entirely dependent on the preservation of one's own convienence.

so fucking disorganized

working tonight was a fucking nightmare. totally disorganized. I would change the fact, and give me the right to manage my own 5 tables, and take full responsibility. then she could take the other 5 tables. we have structure, and better service.. this whole sharing thing is fucking nonsense and i'm fucking pissed off.

next time I go in, i am managing my own thing.

The restaurant

WOrking in this restaurant is so disorganized. I wish i could reform it. I don't have any freedom to do anything, I can't order, and the system is very primative.

People are very difficult to please. A lady asked, "oh this seems like the same menu as yesterday.."

ouch... that felt like a slam.. i just said, "yes, it is."


I wish i could study right now... but maybe there is something here I need to see. It is hard to work, when I have studies to do. but the balance is necessary.

I saw an argentinan woman, totally attractive, I spoke to her and .. lo and behold she was selling herself as an opera singer.

I decided as of today, and yesterday, that although i have insane amount of sexual desires, I don't wish to marry. or have kids. our generations have changed for the worse sadly.

A point of no return

So I had an online dating thing going, and a really hot chick was talking with me. She was 20 and liked beer, and we were chatting. I decided to take off my online dating profile off because I realized that I should work hard. I made the decision to end my desire to date and dedicate myself to my work. I have realized that my school grants are extremely generous, and I also have come a very long way in my journey and I fear the potential to become distracted in a younger female. So i decided to stop.
There are a few things that I could be neglecting
1) The fact that I made this decision because I'm a workaholic
2) The fact that I made this decision out of fear of intimacy and commitment.
3) The fact that I may be missing out on life's experiences.
Yes these three are all true, and I made a sacrifice to study what I am. These sacrifices could possibly be completely in vain. But one thing I know is that I've been given ALOT, and very generously. and I understand this to be a responsibility, and not really a time to "party".
I do make the sacrifice to study what I am , and I love it. It is good and rewarding, but requires alot.
I struggle with my time to work my job, which I 'd rather study.

Also I'm developing a passion for biology, and started learnign about Chromosomes and the structure of DNA, and the replication process for Eubacteria, Archea, and Eukaryotes. it is fascinating, and cutting edge!
My long term goal would be to gain experience studying Physics, and Math, and move into biology with this background. All these concepts work together, and I'm not afraid to step out of my realm. I am aware that I may be outstretching myself. I desire to minor in biology at USC, but I will focus only on Physics and Math...if God opens up the opportunity I will walk in. I'm not worried

Thomas Merton

Here is a christian who had great openness toward many religions.. but he died an usual death. he touched a fan, to re adjust it, and grabbed an exposed wire, and was electrocuted while in the bath tub. Death comes in the most natural unsuspecting way.

Online dating

I'm really sick of reading adds titled "3 easy steps to date women" or "5 tips to have better sex, and more loyal friends" from online dating website. This is not how friends and real relationships are made! really? i'm going to follow "3 easy steps" to solve my relationship issues? no. it does not work this simple.

I decided to be bold enough to post my spiritual views on my profile on this site because it is who I am .

Marketing

Marketing is the most important part. I have learned a few things.

1) THE OPENING

the opening is the most important part with my introduction. a great opening would be, "hi, my mom and dad just opened up an authentic italian restaurant."
a strong plus is that I'm local. "here just on greenleaf and philadelphia".

If i describe the restaurant before saying what my restaurant is really confuses my new client.

2) THE MIDDLE GAME.

After introducing my "new restaurant" it is important to then tell the thesis of what the restaurant is all about.
i) we change the menu daily
ii) we have a small menu because we don't want alot of things sitting in the freezer
iii) we have a seasonal menu because we order the freshiest ingredients for the week.
this is when I can really feature the restaurant.

3) THE INVITATION
After a brief description of our business, it is important to invite the guest, "i'm just here to invite you to try our menu." during the invitation my client should not feel pressured. I am not a salesman! if they say no, then leave. do not drop a flyer. If they say yes, then you can discuss more. more often then not, the person says something in the middle such as , "is it better than lascari's?" or "my wife just had Del Luca's for lunch?" usually this part is that they are challenging you, trying to see if you can think on your feet to passively weed you out! this part you must respond, " really i'm just here to get feedback from you. do you have a yelp account?" You should really say, "i just want to hear what people think about our restaurant..." this is a must!

4) THE VISUAL.
After the introduction and after the middle game is the part when i can give a tangiable representation of the restaurant, THE FLYER. If i had the flyer out during the middle game, or during the introduction I 've noticed the client will just stare at the flyer, read it, and tune me out. it is impossible for the average person to multi task with reading and listening to important details. After the invitation drop the menu and say, "here is what we are serving for this weekend only" ... if they look at it and say, "oh i'm not interested..." say, "can i leave you with my card..."

these steps should be no more than 3 minutes. five minutes tops. if at any point in these steps if the person does not wish to discuss or have a conversation about my restaurant, take the exit.

5) THE EXIT.
the exit is the most important part. If you noticed the person is leaving to their car, or you catch them in an action, you must be short. You can not take their time... if you noticed that their body language is asking for you to leave, you must just say, "i'm sorry to bother but here's my card, if you tell my mom anthony sent you, she will give you a free desert."

leave them with an incentive at all times.

here is a rough sketch..

I've noticed that sometimes when i drop a flyer in their mailbox, the person will actually open their door, sometimes it is best to wait for them, and go slowly for a chance to meet the homeowner. if it is a child that opens the door, drop them a card and say, "can you give this to your parents.."

Wimmen

One thing with wimmen is that you have to be empathetic. You need to think of them, in your mind you need to trace their movements, you need to track their moods, and understand their minds. Be cautious of it.

When with new people bring good energy, and push a little bit in conversation. It is okay to be rude a little, but as long as your playful.
I met a girl named maggie and she said,"oh we never met because I was in choir and you were in band."
and said, "oh THAT's why, because you were in CHOIR!" I stressed a rivalry between choir and band, and was a little vocal. she shyed away.. but it is okay.. I came off a little too overconfident perhaps

And then there's this other girl whom I've sent videos of RHCP, but this isn't the right approach, I think it would be better not to introduce my interests, but see what she's into. my approach was just to pitch the baseball, and see what strikes, and what is swung at perse.

I start school on monday , and have a tutoring appointment. tutoring is important because it adds units to my average, and will average my gpa. I am taking spanish and eng 221. I would like to get into eng 301, but it looks doubtful.
I am trying to make up transfer credits for USC. I need to take a diversity class, eng 301 (possibly) and two other classes for GE.
When I have my orientation on december 5th, I will meet with a math advisor, and an biology advisor with the purpose of approaching biology research and biophysics.

I have a long way to go.

Late Bloomer

Is there such thing as a late bloomer? what about in nature, beautiful plants that bloom late?
what about the saying, "the turtle wins the race?" are these things possible to compete against nature? or based on biology, is once incapable of growing superior to his rival?

These questions arise from reading the biography of Bobby Fischer who at the age of 12 began studying in depth. I would like to study his openings and begin to use them. just to better my game. I don't really plan on being professional, but for online gaming, I would like to look at his openings.

Etiquette

I am learning the importance of etitiquette. "never make someone else uncomfortable"
say pleasant things, listen carefully. watch.
Be on time, investigate.
by being pleasant you can investigate further. by asking politely you can dig a little deeper.

I asked a friend for a favor, and he denied it by laughing at me and blowing me off. I learned to see her more clearly. To unveil. to remove the disguise. to see something clearly. Etiquette allows us to also become disguised, only in order to approach something we want. to become smoother, to allow for flux and flow.

I do not care about becoming married, but sociallizing with others makes me see myself, and makes me practice etiquette. Last night I spoke with chris and his girlfriend and was friendly with them, and gave them attention. this was a start

The Disappointment

You know I just learned something...
The major point in life is the journey inside. The dealing with wounds, and seeing through people, actions, events, and staring at the diamond inside the mind. We tend to put blemishes on the diamonds in our minds with cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol. Sometimes we want to become "blurry".
So with relationships we face disappointment, and rejection. These are the walls that stop us, and make us angry. make us realize how others really see us. and how little I really am. and so we get angry.
We struggle with the demands others put on us. "oh well I can't date her because she went to private school" or "oh, fuck, she has her master's, I don't.. so maybe I should aim differently".
but the truth is money, careers, economic prosperity, do not solve interpersonal relationships. Relationships are much more simple. very simple. (shared time)

So I text a friend and said, "yo, put the good word in for me with your friend.."
I was just asking for a good word for a hang out/ and or maybe a date. he said "haha your funny".
and then I felt angry. Aren't we friends? you don't have a good word to say? you don't think she's ready? and then disappointed because I didn't get what I wanted. but I realized there are more problems when forcing our desires. "i want" , "I like" .. these egos cause us to blame others. "she doesn't" "she needs to.." but in reality, we need to stare at us in the inside, and realize that there is something within ourselves that we need to see more clearly. pain prevents us from going beyond.

The Ideal Apartment for Students in LA county

So I've been accepted to USC and very excited. I know that there is financial aid available and I've been dreading the commute. My commute is about 35 miles one way, but I am forced to take the 5, 605, or the 60 freeways to attend school. There is definitely going to be some serious traffic! What if I'm late to a test? Will traffic during the commute steal my study time?

The ideal apartment for me will be very close to the campus, and very close to the public transportation. It must be near the new metro link that was recently opened, and also near the local bus stations. The ideal place must be affordable within $700-900 per month. It does not have to be too spacious, I would be okay with a smaller studio. Laundry facilities would be awesome if they were located inside the apartment! That would be amazing. It should also be clean, and offer free wi-fi too. I don't really care about the vibrant student life because the demands of USC studies are more important to me than the local social scene.

I checked out a local apartment site called Vacancy.com, and they offer an apartment right on 1221 West 7th St. That location is exactly what I'm looking for as a student. Yes laundry facilities are crucial, but the most important is location. This apartment site for any USC student offers great locality to freeway access, public transportation, and also bicycling distance to the campus. The price is pretty decent too.

The apartment that I saw on the Vacancy website offers small studios for $754 dollars, or if you want a roommate the two bedrooms run you about $1000. Another plus is that the single bedrooms cost $700-800 dollars. This is very well priced because I think studios are too crampy with all my books, and for the extra $50-100 dollars per month, I could have enough space to relax and maybe study at home!

Their are plenty of photos online to check the place out. The complex looks clean.

Anothe plus is Vacancy.com website posted reviews from long time tenants. there is one tenant whose lived their for 7 years and said, "their complex is clean and very safe...we've had no problems with crime." This doesn't sound like much, but I grew up in a gated community in Placentia, and am a little nervous about moving to Los Angeles. These reviews give me a realistic picture of what to expect.

However, I couldn't find on the website if they offerred an internet cafe, or free wifi. This is also mandatory for students with laptops. well... because... no one likes paying for internet... :)

More to come as for my decision whether to live on West street or to commute. thanks

online bullshit

has the internet taken over our fucken lives? I joined an online dating bullsite and we will see. You can find girls your attracted to, and my selection is totally biased on images of the women and how they present themselves. knowing this kinda sucks. "I'm on their just for personality" bullshit! you look and select girls based on attraction, and how they appear. "too slutty" "too fat" "bad picture" , and so on.
one bad picture and the whole thing is off!

I posted funny diverse pics. I chose one sexy one, one relaxed one, and one goofy one. I also posted pics of me camping and nature. I will upload alot of pictures once my bros computer is fixed. I will put up there alot of photos from my bros achrive ranging from Sequio's and pictures over the years. let them fucken see all of it. .. FUCK trying to narrow down the "good pics'. the viewer already knows that your only gonna put up "the good ones" so fuck it. I want my pics to fucken be honest and shit. FUCK YOU! haha

relationships

Conflict is apart of life.

spoke with scott and he said sorry for the harsh words.. and the matter dropped. wow. that simple. it could have been through email and had the same affect on me. so the whole concept that "email is not communication" is a bunch of bull. One of my biggest pet peeves is name calling... i hate it to death for friends. give me reasons or give me death!

What I don't Like about Scott

There has been an email conflict. As objective as it goes, I will explain to help understand myself.
The issue is I rarely send out email links. I sent out a link that I really thought was good which is subjective, but the group I emailed out to commented "waste of time" "delete" and they laughed at me for sending out a dumb link. I don't like the fact that he feels so freely to comment negatively about something I enjoyed. I don't like the fact that he was able to freely throw comments without considering how they would make the other person feel. I felt after reading that very degraded. I felt also disrespected and insulted. And after feeling such a way I wrote back how I felt. I kept it short, and also apologized for wasting his time.
His response was completely unresponsive. I don't like the fact how quickly he can detach from an issue that affected me. He quickly discredited the fact that email is worthless communication. I don't like the fact that he disregards the method of communication. He doesn't see any value to the methods that were being used. He also implied another insult to the email calling it "passive aggressive bullshit"
He did not address any of the things that I was writing and dismissed them all.

I don't like the fact that he ignores me.

My brother discredited email as no communication, but it is a type of communication. I don't like the fact that because he discredits email, he also discredits communication, and ignored what I had to write. It could have been solved many different ways, there could have been other methods, but he gave nothing. He gave nothing
It is selfish to not regard the other person.

Joe called email "passive aggressive" .
the definition of passive aggressive , is someone who runs away from conflict. I am trying to solve conflict using written words, this does not mean I am avoiding conflict.

I asked for more of an explanation, and he gave nothing..

I don't like that he shut himself off, and gave nothing. no response, no reason, nothing. He cut email communication on purpose. I don't like that. now it feels like the conflict has bubbled. He could have explained himself in writing, but now tomorrow I will have to call if he doesn't call. why hasn't he called? I've reached out in email communication... and it has got me nothing.

I don't have an issue that they did not enjoy the taste of what I sent, but what was the need for the insult? why did he have to stab.

and then I called him out calling him negative, and I said stop it. but he then said, "your fighting with yourself."

the attitude is horrible. I actually would like him to apologize. is it my pride?

I think that he sees no wrong in his mind, and doesn't want to come in peace via email.

email is a form of public documentation that has nothing to do with avoiding conflict or afraid of confrontation. Emails can lead to phone calls, and emails are a gateway to expression. it is the author of the email or phone or letter that has personality, not the mode or method.

I asked him to explain himself, and he hasn't. he has been quiet. I also think that email lets you take time to read, and think before responding, which allows him to gather his thoughts.

the thing I don't like about scott is his unwillingness to do anything for anyone else in regard to a situation that lead to conflict, he has refused to fully express himself in public and says 1 or 2 sentences. This shows a type of shallowness.

the difficulty is that there will be a formal confrontation and I will have to hold my tongue and hold my temper.

this is sad because I feel like I'm wasting my time on this issue.

the major issue is that he is not respecting me. and also saying disrespectful things, and insulting things

I feel like i've done a good job in asking questions, and asking for detailed explanations. I 've also left open the fact that they don't have to agree with me. and I 've also apologized.
when i think of scott, right now the words come to me as arrogant, belligerent, unconsiderate and selfish.

I will check my phone in the morning. i hope that he calls.

am i being to harsh? I don't wish to see him tomorrow actually, but a phone call will be necessary. Depending on how that goes, it will determine if i see him tomorrow.

Discussion is the thing that I value the most. when someone closes it, or becomes closed to discussion, or does not allow any form of discussion this greatly irritates me.

emails, phone calls, and letters are forms of discussion, they are all subsets of face to face discussion. some are subsets of the others. they are not all equal. they are different forms of the major set communication.