crazy dream

i had a dream where i was flying in a n airplance and i sat next to scott, and we sat next to johnny cash and was listening to him tell us stuff.
there was also a flash back of eggs that kept getting attacked by birds and i couldn't get the eggs..

but i knew the airplane was going to crash but i stayed onboard. and then the airplane engines blew out, and i was on board. the pastors all got on deck and were like, "pray now cuz were all gonna die" and scott got up there and started praying, i just sat there

johnny cahs was telling me about his life



the interepretation is that plane crashes represent lack of confidence, self doubt and that i have "unrealistic expectations" for myself and that they will come crashing down.
the eggs represent that i am getting out of my comfort zone, but they kept getting attack.

the farm means i 'm ready for growth.


time to watch some johnny cash videos for inspiration.

Funnny People movie

Dude i watched that adam sandler movie, and it was really sad. here was a dude who was wealthy, and had to face death, but he never lived right. he had no friends at all.

in the end you don't really know if he gets better and it really sucks

the themes of the movie are.
1) in your youth, life is so full and awesome enjoy it

2) family and doing simple stuffs to joke around are probably the best moments of your life

3) do n't be a selfish asshole cuz life is too short.... don't waste your time with sluts

4) make jokes and laugh as much as you can.


so effin sad that movie was dude. totally sad man. we're all going to die, but what are we gonnna do in the mean time?

i wanna live outta state somewhere and see other places. volunteer alittle bit.
marriage


5) there's always that one girl who you really love, that you let slip away. chase that girl. and don't let her go!!


For me, i really don't know shit about love and i don't know which girl that really "strikes me". so i 'm kinda just floatin around, meaninglessly...


6) it is not about money!

7) it is not about money!!!!!


keep your damn life so simple man, life has so much more to offer then money and crap.. give some of your away.

Winter bike tour. D.I.Y.

http://bikeescapades.com/store/Scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=36


Should look into an Arizona bike tour.

Reflecting on My meeting with pastor terry

So pastor terry immidiately asked me about college and what my goals are. He was asking me very personal things, but i had ready answers. I told him i wanted to be a lawyer, but my grandparents hate lawyers, so i changed my major to engineering. i told him i want to help people with prostetic legs, or aerospace, or building stuff overseas.

He asked me how i came to be a chrstiain and asked me immidiately about nick. I felt he was trying to trigger my emotional side, but men do not share emotional sides, at least not leaders. I kept up my guard. HE asked me about the time i spent as not living a christian, like it was some sort of prison sentence. He asked, "what do you think about the time when you weren't a christian?"
i told him there was a lot of wasted time because i was pursuing music and other things that led me to waste my time. He then talked passively about marijuana, and other drugs and called them "gateway" drugs.

HE has no concept of what those things really are. For the record, there is nothing wrong with marijuana. the drug is a natural thing that native indians used to become very spiritual. but in todays' times people miss use marijuana. the only thing bad i received from marijuana was my stupid stoner friends... and other bad influences.


I told him i learned how to look at christianity from the outside, and not being in the inside my whole life, and i told him most of my friends were athiests, or non-practicing jews. which i appreciate very much. I learned how they view Christianity as a bunch of conservative republicans who don't swear, smoke, or drink, and live in this "ned flanders" bubble.

I don't want to be apart of that bubble, and that's why i gracefully left FAFC. i am really relieved.

I was thinking today of the scriptures and nowhere does it say to "go to church every sunday"
the bible does talk about "not forsaking the assembly"

but it does not talk about which kind of assembly.. So this leds me to think that serving on sundays at the mercy house is an okay thing to do.


Also, we talked about wealth. The subject of "making lots of money came up" and Pastor, the head pastor, said, "If you make alot of money, then God blesses you.. " he said something like, " if you can make alot of money, then you make alot of money".

He also told me a story of how he associated with Donald Trump's leading attorney who openly jokes "i won't get out of bed for less than $600,000"

This is the story that the head pastor tells.

What about telling a story of a man who gets out of bed to serve the poor and hungry Mr. Terry?

I don't think you can hold the right of Pastor much longer... in my eyes, i see you as an equal, and i can call you Mr. Terry! jk


There were numerous times when Mr. Terry admired my will to learn and make something of myself... "wow you can easily want to be a lawyer, and then change to become an engineer?"

I was firm on the inside.
And then i changed the subject to biking and trite things such as how "good" my family is doing, how my mom is pretty stressed out, how tense home is ... REAL LIFE things. stuff that i know he goes through with his wife having cancer, but i've already been through that.

The way to survive in this culture is growing your own farm, working for your own bread, and investing wisely so that you can see the people you love suceed.
I want to serve the poor and give them love. but i want to work and understand engineering and become successful at that so i can see my mom retire, and my brother pursue photography. I want to invest in things wisely so i can retire at a young age and give my earned income to places that deserve it.


The end.

signing off

if you are reading this, this means that you are the resistance.

Meeting With Pastor Terry

I just had lunch with pastor terry and we spoke about passion in life, growing into manhood, edgeride's book. He asked about how i became a christian. he admires that i prefer to associate with non-christians. I spoke to him how i like learning about the outside view of our own christianity. i admire the way he thinks. he is very diplomatic, he is pretty humble. i was surprised what kinda car he drove. he drove an older lexus but with Altoids laying on the seat floor. That was funny.
He wears nice clothes and has a fancy watch. I have a Bulova watch but i chose not to wear it because i want to live my life without any notice except the kingdom notice. He really admires me he said. but he was genuine.

he asked openly about my personal background, of getting saved, family, and what not.. . and it was weird that i had to talk about it in a objective way.

I told him some of my goals of wanting to work at the Mercy House, and it seem to strike a chord with him. I am going to start an organization next semester which will allow me to volunteer at the mercy house in fullerton. very local.

local kinda guy.

It is important to give up the desire to be married! i must learn to die in every way in order to live. "real warriors die anthony"

i didn't want to ask about his personal background with stephanie and stuff but i am praying for them. but i haven't really been praying alot lately. getting tough


not going to date leslie! i want her to see the difference in what i've become.


Terry knows alot of stuff. he is right there.


tattoo ideas:
I want to get a tattoo of jesus wearing a turban teaching the 12 disciples who are sitting down next to him.

I want to get a tattoo that is a scripture verse for warriors. since that is the mode i am in...

Ricky is in Love and denies it!

For the record, ricky says he is "out of the in love phase" with nicole, but still manages to talk about nicole for hours on end. He is doomed for a marriage!

Remembering nick colombo the second annual beach even

Today, i went to the beach to celebrate the memory of nick. and we played soccer bocce ball, took a fat dump in the public bathrooms. we went in the water, but i didn't go in cuz it was freakin cold as ice. we lost a frisbee. made jokes, played apples to apples. ate smores. ate chicken. not in that order. It was really cool. it was cool to just hang out with the family and come together and remember nick. i talked with scott, that he was big on video games and making fun of brett. he was the "control freak".
the thing that troubled me was A.P. got in front of everyone and said, "if anyone has anything to share, please do, if not, we're just gonna hang out." so i was like okay, and i was happy just hanging out, but then AP came to and said, "do you have anything to share?"
and i was like, "i don't like speaking in front of people all impromptu..." and then just sort of backed out.
the thing that got me was, she said it was open to speak, but then asked me directly to speak. but i was happy with not speaking, but then confused that she pressured me to speak. i had no problem speaking if she wanted me to, but i personally didn't wanna speak. I was there in love.

but now i am still thinking about it, "should i have spoke?" do i regret not speaking?

What would have been good for the community? what would a leader have done? i sort of feel like i pussed out, but am not into speaking cuz i'm forced to. If she would have asked me earlier, i probably would have. Ah, i should have known before hand!

Also, my mum's work boeing is going to be cutting 30% of it's employees in HB, LBC,and other locations. so the myth is real when the students say, "engineering is where the money is at." all jobs are being cut. My future is uncertain. my home is not settled. I am dependent on the contentment, wisdom, and Love of God. also i must work hard at where i am. hard work is everything!

I 'm gonna miss my friend scott, we joked alot, and had a really good time. i showed him that my family was really loving. I love my family

Mike DelGado: Man of the year award

Dude, i met my old old friend mike del Gado, and it was weiird that our paths crossed. he is in an amazing position!
he graduated biola, and i found out that he has ADD. when i was sitting with him i was noticing that he was really really fijity. i thought he was just really socially awkward, or i was making him nervous. so because he was nervous, i was making an extra attempt to be relaxed, and i was just talking with him and listening and stuff.
okay, so mike first talked about his church. it has 15 people, and the main pastor is leaving it to move to dallas. i asked him what was going to happen to the church, and he said he didn't know, he said he might be handed the church!
whoa, that is leadership! i was blown away! he might take the lead pastor position. and he couldn't be more perfect for the job!
he said he has been traveling to different ball parks in the US, he's going to colorado, Arizona, and others. he's been to NY, BA, and other east coast ones. he's also been to seattle's park.
that was the coolest idea i've ever heard of! Go Mike!!!!!

he is also ADD, and i never knew that .. he doesn't take his medicine, which is awesome.

remember ADD stands for attention, deficit. hey that's a nice bracelet! hahahahahaha

he's totally cool man.
he used to be a janitor.

Lisa Choi Update Part IV

helen, the neighbor of Lisa, said that lisa went to her first visit to the psychiatric care center, and the doctor's said she had full on schizophrenia, and she is now on medication. Lisa is in alot more trouble than i thought. I have not prayed for her these last couple days, school is driving me crazy... i need to just set some time down and pray for her recovery.
I wrote helen an email, asking if there's any other way i can help, and she hasn't responded. she sort of calls my mom before writing to me, i think there's a female-female connection i just have to accept.

signing off.
my last final is on thursday, there's a small chance i'll get a B and a major chance i'll get a C.

goodnight.

Ideas are very important!!!!

Okay so on the main page, i can see how many people subscribe to this retarded thing called "my blog"... and it says that i have "0" subscribers! but that is not entirely true!
I need to be careful now what i'm putting down in this thing! Which is sort of amusing, and fun for me.

As for church, i am graced with the honor to speak with the head pastor and i am excited because even if we do have differences, the whole point to communication is to establish respect. i guess that is what tolerance is all about. i know i'm that important at all, and i'm not trying to be significant in any way. Rather, i believe in leadership.
Leadership to me means:
1) developing results
2) maintaing healthy relationships
3) taking charge
4) speaking and listening
5) set goals

So for me my main goal is to take responsibility for my own life, and lead it to where it needs to go. I am responsible for every day of my life, responsible for my failures and successes!
Paul the apostle writes all about running the race, and this is my own race. nobody wears my number, except for me... and so i am training the best way that i can.
ways to train that are good starters
1) knowledge- reading, networking, speaking
2) decision- taking decision, planning goals, and stay true to them
3) action- just do it!!

Stuff

I think all that matters is how well you earn your bread..aka how good of a worker you are. and how you take care of your family. it is good to try and help people along the way. But that can often mislead you into not making the right decisions about how to take care of yourself? sounds really selfish...
but i think about how i'm going to take care of myself, and earn a living. and there's nothing wrong with that. i have to be the best at what i do! Engineer!!

list to do with my life this year

1. start a band with my cousin's and cover a johnny cash song, make a sick music video

2. graduate, and work for 5 years as an engineer

3. move to new hampshire and live simple

4. be a math teacher, work with kids

5. married...kids

6. move to hawaii

7. graduate school

8. build stuff in africa

9. write a book.

Published

I recorded my speech, and it came out okay... i talk alot about stuff... going to post it tomorrow to everyone... and it will be interesting. for me, it is about declaring what i believe and now to live by it.

I haven't really been walking by the spirit. haven't really been reading the word. i've been struggling with celibacy, and have talked openly about it. i feel like i haven't been "walking" a good faith these past few weeks, only because i've missed church for like a month.

but i think it is good to stray from church and walk into friendships with people. I've really have grown close with scott, and have been learning about love and kindness through it, even though we are completely different.

I guess i'm just real.. real in my flaws and real with my blessings. i still pray to God, but i don't like to give him my laundry list.
my recent prayer was this, "god you know how much sufferring my life has been, i wonder if you see me as blessed. it says in the scriptures, "blessed is the cause of the fatherless... do you see me as blessed cuz i don't."

i've prayed for my friends and family. my heart has definitely been bitter.

trying to work on celibacy, and diet.. and exercise. i have spoke to scott about my doubts about the "holy spirit", and said stuff... but all i know for sure is that I am commanded to "love my neighbor as myself."

signing off.

Can't wait for the 4th. gonna tag EVERYONE in my video except michaela darling... i think she would view it as a selfish attempt for attention... so i'll leave her out of it.

School has been on my mind. i want to move out of state. i want to become involved more with civil justice. the day job is okay but i have a higher purpose...